If you find that you're focused on your loved ones' lives more than on your own life and that you're constantly trying to control them, tell them what to do and clean up their messes, you may be codependent. Read on to learn how to start focusing on your own life, how to allow others to be responsible for themselves and how to stop being codependent.
1. Step 1)
Recognize your codependent qualities and behaviors, and make a conscious decision to change.
2. Step 2)
Seek professional help. Talking to a counselor is a productive way to deal with your feelings of codependency and start the path to recovery.
3. Step 3)
Allow those you care for to be responsible for their own words and actions by not telling them what to do or how to live their lives anymore. All too often you may find yourself feeling responsible for certain friends, family members or a significant other, but this is not your job. Let go and let them take control of their own lives.
4. Step 4)
Focus on your own problems. You've spent so much time trying to manage the lives of those around you that you haven't made time to deal with your own problems, so now is the time.
5. Step 5)
Address your own needs before meeting the needs of others. You're probably used to meeting everyone else's needs first and then forgetting your own. Even though you may feel that you're being selfish, you'll be much better at helping others when you've taken care of yourself first.
6. Step 6)
Do whatever it is that you need to do to feel happy. Remedy an unhappy career or relationship situation for example, and start having fun. Let go of the responsibility you had placed on yourself to solve everyone else's problems! In this space, put something fun that you would enjoy! Start a hobby or a sport or just start walking.
Do something Good for Yourself for once!
Friday, April 16, 2010
How to Help Your Child Cope with Death
Children, like adults, have all sorts of reactions and feelings when someone or something they love dies. Teaching them to communicate their feelings and say goodbye to the relationship that has ended is our responsibility as parents, mentors and educators.
Be open for Children of any age benefit from having a familiar routine. The same mealtime, bedtime, tasks or chores help a child feel secure and in control.
Recognize that this is a special time in a child's life. He or she may need more affection and may depend on you even more. Allow that to happen. A child may request something out of the norm, such as to sleep with you, a special blanket or a hug.
There is no right or wrong way to feel or react in the event of a death. Nor is there a magical amount of time which states a child should be recovered. Allow your child to mourn and participate with him or her in that process.
Have Discussions with your child.
Most Importantly.... Listen! Listen! Listen!!!
Be open for Children of any age benefit from having a familiar routine. The same mealtime, bedtime, tasks or chores help a child feel secure and in control.
Recognize that this is a special time in a child's life. He or she may need more affection and may depend on you even more. Allow that to happen. A child may request something out of the norm, such as to sleep with you, a special blanket or a hug.
There is no right or wrong way to feel or react in the event of a death. Nor is there a magical amount of time which states a child should be recovered. Allow your child to mourn and participate with him or her in that process.
Have Discussions with your child.
Most Importantly.... Listen! Listen! Listen!!!
Cooking Light
• If a recipe calls for a quarter-cup of oil, cut that amount in half; your taste buds won't know the difference, but your waistline will.
• Sauté foods in chicken stock, low-sodium soy sauce, wine or water instead of fat.
• Broil, bake, roast, boil or stir-fry instead of frying, deep-frying or breading and frying.
• Use nonstick pans and a nonstick oil spray to eliminate the oil or butter for sautéing.
• When sautéing with oil, try a flavorful one such as olive oil or sesame oil. You'll need less.
• Add a pinch of grated Parmesan or blue cheese to recipes. You'll add flavor, but not many calories.
• Substitute mashed bananas, prunes or applesauce for oil when baking.
• Add spices to your meals instead of fat. Fresh herbs perk up any dish without adding calories. Experiment with different ethnic foods and seasonings; they're often full of flavor, not fat.
• Sauté foods in chicken stock, low-sodium soy sauce, wine or water instead of fat.
• Broil, bake, roast, boil or stir-fry instead of frying, deep-frying or breading and frying.
• Use nonstick pans and a nonstick oil spray to eliminate the oil or butter for sautéing.
• When sautéing with oil, try a flavorful one such as olive oil or sesame oil. You'll need less.
• Add a pinch of grated Parmesan or blue cheese to recipes. You'll add flavor, but not many calories.
• Substitute mashed bananas, prunes or applesauce for oil when baking.
• Add spices to your meals instead of fat. Fresh herbs perk up any dish without adding calories. Experiment with different ethnic foods and seasonings; they're often full of flavor, not fat.
Creating Healthy Habits
• Prepare a healthy shopping list before you go to the supermarket, and stick to the list.
• Confine your meals to the dining room or kitchen table.
• Pour a reasonable portion of cookies (one or two, depending on size), chips or crackers (a small handful) onto a plate or into a bowl instead of eating directly out of a box or bag.
• Freeze leftovers immediately so you can't raid the refrigerator later.
• Drink six to eight glasses of water a day, including a glass immediately before mealtime. Water helps you feel full faster and longer and also helps your body digest food.
• Limit alcohol consumption. Alcohol is packed with calories, but no nutrients. Also, it increases appetite and weakens your willpower to avoid the wrong food choices.
• Begin lunch or dinner with a broth-based hot soup. It forces you to eat more slowly and fills you up so you don't overeat.
• Eat more slowly. Rushing through meals doesn't give your brain adequate time to register and signal you when you're full.
• When dining out, request sauces and low-calorie dressings be served on the side so you can use as much or as little as you want.
• Never leave home starving when heading out for a restaurant meal. Before you go, eat a light snack, such as a piece of fruit or a carrot, or drink a glass of tomato or vegetable juice.
• Don't eat while watching TV. Watching the tube instead of your plate can lull you into overeating; so will the food and snack commercials.
• Stick to your own plate. Nibbling off someone else's dish may seem harmless but the calories add up.
• Choose healthy items if you eat fast food. To do so, avoid fried foods and "super-sized" portions.
• Don't go food shopping on an empty stomach. Eat a little something first or you'll be tempted to buy more than you should.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
How to Cope With a Parent Passing Away
Ways to Cope...
I hate to break the news but it can take up to 10 years to realize this person is not coming back. Even though you think you have seen them in the market or know they are going to be around the next corner in the mall. They are not and it stinks!
Therapy is the best start to the grieving process. If you don't want to get stuck taking "pills", seek out a therapist who cannot prescribe medication. Be up front let them know you just need to talk.
"Group" therapy would also be very beneficial as you have other people with something in common with you and they might understand a little more. A lot of Groups are located at local churches and hospitals. Check out their web-sites or stop by their Information Center to get assistance.
Friends and Spouses are great outlets too. But you cannot burden them with all your pain as it can get tiresome. "For better or worse" does not mean they can always take the worse.
Lastly, Crying is Okay... it's a part of the Grieving Process.
I hate to break the news but it can take up to 10 years to realize this person is not coming back. Even though you think you have seen them in the market or know they are going to be around the next corner in the mall. They are not and it stinks!
Therapy is the best start to the grieving process. If you don't want to get stuck taking "pills", seek out a therapist who cannot prescribe medication. Be up front let them know you just need to talk.
"Group" therapy would also be very beneficial as you have other people with something in common with you and they might understand a little more. A lot of Groups are located at local churches and hospitals. Check out their web-sites or stop by their Information Center to get assistance.
Friends and Spouses are great outlets too. But you cannot burden them with all your pain as it can get tiresome. "For better or worse" does not mean they can always take the worse.
Lastly, Crying is Okay... it's a part of the Grieving Process.
How to Cope With Losing a Friend
Friends are one of the most important parts of our lives. During your lifetime, friends come and go. Losing a friend is emotionally draining and very frustrating, however there are ways you can cope.
Try the following Tips...
(First)
Stay calm. In the early stages after losing a friend, it's tempting to act out against your former friend. You might be tempted to talk bad about him behind his back, or even do something worse like vandalism. However, this is not the way to go. Avoid acting out and remain calm. The tension and the anger you feel will decrease as the days and months pass.
(Second)
Talk to someone. Sometimes talking about your feelings helps you really understand how you feel. Let your confidante know how hurt you are over losing your friend. Depend on her support.
(Third)
Look for a new friend. There are a lot of people in this world and sooner or later you will find a new friend. Tell them how you feel. You could even try role playing or acting out your feelings.
(Fourth)
Do something nice for yourself. Take a walk in the park. Stop and talk with people along the walking path. Treat yourself to some ice cream. Go to the mall. Find something you enjoy that will lift your spirits.
(Fifth)
Remain cordial with your former friend. Even if your relationship ended on a sour note, bitter feelings tend to subside with time. If you see your former friend out in public, there's no need to run away. Politely say hello, but keep the conversation short. It's possible you'll need your former friend in the future, and it's best to stay polite.
(Sixth)
Join an exercise club. You can meet people at the club, while having fun and exercising at the same time. Try some deep breathing exercises or meditation to help you relax and focus on thinking positive and eliminating some of the hurt and stress.
Try the following Tips...
(First)
Stay calm. In the early stages after losing a friend, it's tempting to act out against your former friend. You might be tempted to talk bad about him behind his back, or even do something worse like vandalism. However, this is not the way to go. Avoid acting out and remain calm. The tension and the anger you feel will decrease as the days and months pass.
(Second)
Talk to someone. Sometimes talking about your feelings helps you really understand how you feel. Let your confidante know how hurt you are over losing your friend. Depend on her support.
(Third)
Look for a new friend. There are a lot of people in this world and sooner or later you will find a new friend. Tell them how you feel. You could even try role playing or acting out your feelings.
(Fourth)
Do something nice for yourself. Take a walk in the park. Stop and talk with people along the walking path. Treat yourself to some ice cream. Go to the mall. Find something you enjoy that will lift your spirits.
(Fifth)
Remain cordial with your former friend. Even if your relationship ended on a sour note, bitter feelings tend to subside with time. If you see your former friend out in public, there's no need to run away. Politely say hello, but keep the conversation short. It's possible you'll need your former friend in the future, and it's best to stay polite.
(Sixth)
Join an exercise club. You can meet people at the club, while having fun and exercising at the same time. Try some deep breathing exercises or meditation to help you relax and focus on thinking positive and eliminating some of the hurt and stress.
Major "Codependency Concerns" with Your Partner
Talk shows spend many hours discussing Codependency, book stores have shelves lined with books about codependency.
But what is Codependency?
Look at the attached examples...
First, You tend to minimize your partners erratic and irrational behavior. You use phrases like other people act the same way and it isn't so bad. You allow them to emotional abuse you and try to justify why they do it.
Second, you tend to hide this destructive undesirable behavior from others. You may be ashamed by how your partner is treating you, but at the same time you are concerned about protecting your partner's reputation.
Third, you make excuses for your partner. You cover up for appointments they didn't keep or events they didn't attend. You take responsibility for their actions when they should be responsible themselves.
Fourth, you are willing to allow them to continue with this less than desirable behavior toward you and others, rather than confront the situation for fear of losing them, and your inability to live without them.
Lastly, you have convinced yourself, that your partner can not live without you. You are willing to sacrifice your happiness and well being for the sake of theirs.
But what is Codependency?
Look at the attached examples...
First, You tend to minimize your partners erratic and irrational behavior. You use phrases like other people act the same way and it isn't so bad. You allow them to emotional abuse you and try to justify why they do it.
Second, you tend to hide this destructive undesirable behavior from others. You may be ashamed by how your partner is treating you, but at the same time you are concerned about protecting your partner's reputation.
Third, you make excuses for your partner. You cover up for appointments they didn't keep or events they didn't attend. You take responsibility for their actions when they should be responsible themselves.
Fourth, you are willing to allow them to continue with this less than desirable behavior toward you and others, rather than confront the situation for fear of losing them, and your inability to live without them.
Lastly, you have convinced yourself, that your partner can not live without you. You are willing to sacrifice your happiness and well being for the sake of theirs.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
What is Arthritis?
Arthritis and other rheumatic diseases are characterized by pain, swelling, and limited movement in joints and connective tissues in the body. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, nearly 47 million people in the US have some form of arthritis or chronic joint symptoms.
Arthritis, which literally means inflammation of a joint (where two or more bones meet), actually refers to more than 100 different diseases. Rheumatic diseases include any diseases that cause pain, stiffness, and swelling in joints or other supportive body structures, such as muscles, tendons, ligaments, and bones.
Arthritis and other rheumatic diseases are often mistakenly associated with old age, because osteoarthritis (the most common form of arthritis) occurs more often among elderly persons. However, arthritis and other rheumatic diseases affect people of all ages.
Arthritis is usually chronic, which means that it rarely changes, or it progresses slowly. Specific causes for most forms of arthritis are not yet known.
Strong Muscles ease Joint Pressure
Weight training isn't just for bodybuilders and athletes. Strong muscles around joints help take pressure off cartilage and bone.
"It's particularly important for people who have arthritis to do exercises that strengthen quadriceps muscles," Dr. Klippel says.
You have various options for resistance training, including free weights, machines, or elastic tubing.
It's crucial to use proper techniques when strength training, and moves must be tailored to your specific condition. "Your doctor or a physical therapist can design a strength program that will give the most benefit with the least possible joint irritation," Dr. Klippel says.
"It's particularly important for people who have arthritis to do exercises that strengthen quadriceps muscles," Dr. Klippel says.
You have various options for resistance training, including free weights, machines, or elastic tubing.
It's crucial to use proper techniques when strength training, and moves must be tailored to your specific condition. "Your doctor or a physical therapist can design a strength program that will give the most benefit with the least possible joint irritation," Dr. Klippel says.
Working it out
When you have arthritis, physical activity and exercise may not seem appealing. The thought of walking or swimming might make you cringe when your body already aches.
However, "exercise keeps you moving when your condition threatens to immobilize you," says Dr. Klippel. "I recommend water exercises because water buoyancy takes weight off your joints."
Swimming laps, water walking or jogging, and water aerobics are examples. Increasingly, physical therapists are offering exercise treatments in the water, an approach that is often called "aqua-therapy."
Other forms of low-impact workouts that place less stress on your joints include yoga, tai chi, and cycling, as well as using cross-country ski simulators or elliptical trainers. Cross training - performing a variety of exercises and activities on different days - helps prevent overuse injuries, keeps your program fresh, and contributes to better training for your muscles.
However, "exercise keeps you moving when your condition threatens to immobilize you," says Dr. Klippel. "I recommend water exercises because water buoyancy takes weight off your joints."
Swimming laps, water walking or jogging, and water aerobics are examples. Increasingly, physical therapists are offering exercise treatments in the water, an approach that is often called "aqua-therapy."
Other forms of low-impact workouts that place less stress on your joints include yoga, tai chi, and cycling, as well as using cross-country ski simulators or elliptical trainers. Cross training - performing a variety of exercises and activities on different days - helps prevent overuse injuries, keeps your program fresh, and contributes to better training for your muscles.
Start Slowly...
Remember to start slowly. Exercises that improve flexibility or stretching exercises that improve your range of motion and help you perform daily activities are good ones to initiate yourself into an exercise routine. Once you feel comfortable, you may be able to move on to weight training and endurance workouts, such as cycling, swimming, walking, or yoga.
"Whatever exercise program you decide on, you should always consult your doctor before starting out," says Dr. Klippel. You should also talk to your doctor if you notice a change in your condition - for example, if you have increased pain or decreased mobility. A physical therapist can help you get started. Over-the-counter anti-inflammatory medications are available to ease discomfort during and after exercise.
"Whatever exercise program you decide on, you should always consult your doctor before starting out," says Dr. Klippel. You should also talk to your doctor if you notice a change in your condition - for example, if you have increased pain or decreased mobility. A physical therapist can help you get started. Over-the-counter anti-inflammatory medications are available to ease discomfort during and after exercise.
Managing Arthritis with Exercise
Exercise has important health benefits for everyone - regardless of age and physical condition. But for people with arthritis, working out regularly, and within their limits, is critical.
"Regular, moderate exercise offers a host of benefits to people with arthritis," says Dr. Jack Klippel,with the Arthritis Foundation. "Exercise reduces joint pain and stiffness, builds strong muscle around the joints, and increases flexibility and endurance."
It also helps promote overall health and fitness by giving you more energy, helping you sleep better, controlling your weight, and decreasing depression.
"Regular, moderate exercise offers a host of benefits to people with arthritis," says Dr. Jack Klippel,with the Arthritis Foundation. "Exercise reduces joint pain and stiffness, builds strong muscle around the joints, and increases flexibility and endurance."
It also helps promote overall health and fitness by giving you more energy, helping you sleep better, controlling your weight, and decreasing depression.
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